Numb

I feel numb, out of touch with my own thoughts and feelings. And I am pretty sure that not talking to dear friends is half the reason for it.

Like right now, I feel stuffed full of feelings and fears... but I can hardly reach them enough to tell you about them.

I feel overwhelmed by being a grown up. I hate all the bills, all the mail I go through every day and yet somehow still miss things, lose things, forget things. This weekend I totaled our car. We're ok but it was so scary, and now on top of everything else we'll have a car payment. Grad school costs money. Health costs money. I'm tempted to become Amish and move to a farm and not leave a forwarding address for the credit world to follow. I am so weary of these distractions from deeper things. Do poets just...not pay their bills? How do you live well in both worlds? How do I find time for my soul?

My kitty is trying to lay across the laptop - unabashedly wants to be loved and not ignored by me. It's working pretty well...