I'm pooped but so deeply thankful for a good day. I feel squeezed dry and yet so strangely content. I am falling in love with my kids --in a uh non-predatory sense of course. :) I am learning how to be myself with them, how to yell when they are being crazy ("NO THROWING BALLS IN THE YOUTH ROOM," "EVERYBODY START MOVING TOWARD THE GYM...NOW!"), how to laugh hard both at and with them, how to enjoy their energy, their chaos, their insecurities, their need for affirmation, their need for hugs, their need for me to be strong in my leadership and not let them (or their parents) push me around.
And on top of that, worship (it was Christ the King week) was... so great. People actually sang, and we did this really rocking version of All Hail the Power of Jesus Name and when we did Be Thou My Vision I was undone by how beautiful it was! I don't mean ME I mean, like, the band all did such a great job! It flowed!
I told Samm it was like I made a movie today - the effort, the energy, the rewards - yet only the people who were there saw it. Today can never be replayed. Only I realize how important it was for me after a really, really tough 2 months at this church.
I forgot - maybe I never knew - that what I am attempting to do is in direct rebellion against the Powers that be. Meaning, darkness is, temporarily, on the surface of things, ruling. People are mean, people are starving, people are selfish. The world is cracking apart and I, little doubting selfish apathetic me is attempting to run in against the Tsunami of darkness and live in the light. And proclaim the light. And try to light some other teeny candles with my own flickering wick amidst the winds and rains and incoming waves.
OF COURSE it's been hard.
Leander preached tonight at the 5:30 service and told the story about Robin Hood (old version) where the people are fighting and all of a sudden, one soldier opens his cloak and reveals that he is King Arthur and he has been fighting with them all along. And this, Leander says, is how it is. The King appears weak to us now, or... more like doesn't appear at all sometimes. But He's fighting in our midst, invisibly, and He's going to win and one day the veil will be gone and we will see Him on His throne.
And on top of that, worship (it was Christ the King week) was... so great. People actually sang, and we did this really rocking version of All Hail the Power of Jesus Name and when we did Be Thou My Vision I was undone by how beautiful it was! I don't mean ME I mean, like, the band all did such a great job! It flowed!
I told Samm it was like I made a movie today - the effort, the energy, the rewards - yet only the people who were there saw it. Today can never be replayed. Only I realize how important it was for me after a really, really tough 2 months at this church.
I forgot - maybe I never knew - that what I am attempting to do is in direct rebellion against the Powers that be. Meaning, darkness is, temporarily, on the surface of things, ruling. People are mean, people are starving, people are selfish. The world is cracking apart and I, little doubting selfish apathetic me is attempting to run in against the Tsunami of darkness and live in the light. And proclaim the light. And try to light some other teeny candles with my own flickering wick amidst the winds and rains and incoming waves.
OF COURSE it's been hard.
Leander preached tonight at the 5:30 service and told the story about Robin Hood (old version) where the people are fighting and all of a sudden, one soldier opens his cloak and reveals that he is King Arthur and he has been fighting with them all along. And this, Leander says, is how it is. The King appears weak to us now, or... more like doesn't appear at all sometimes. But He's fighting in our midst, invisibly, and He's going to win and one day the veil will be gone and we will see Him on His throne.
1 comment:
Hi Kathryn,
Great post! And the photo at the end says it all (makes me want to shout "Frodo Lives!" LOL)
I'll set up a link to your blog from mine... feel free to do the same if you like.
Cheers!
Peg
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