Quiet before the (vaccination) Storm

Lulu is sleeping, and the house is empty.  Which means I am alone for the first time in... no idea how long.  Deep breath.  Coffee. Whole wheat english muffin with avocado!  And a few seconds, at least, to consider my soul before the baby wakes up and the vaccine appointment begins. 

I was pretty restless the first week my baby was here (among other things like, ridiculously sore, exhausted, cramping, limping about in shock...).  I actually missed work, I couldn't imagine life at home with her or even just life with her at all.  Her constant disregard for my needs (sleep, total discomfort in the only nursing position that worked) felt so... impolite.  What a way to start a relationship, I thought.  Who are you, little girl to come to my house and demand to be fed SEVERAL times in the middle of the night! But then, then, she began to really grow on me.  She was sweet.  And she started smiling.  And looking around for me when other people held her.  And nuzzling her head so tenderly on my shoulder.  And getting peaceful as soon as I scooped her up as though she realized, Mum has come to rescue!  If I delay changing her diaper/feeding her/suctioning out her stuffy nose/whatever she needs then the peace doesn't last.  But initially, just me holding her seems to give her the assurance that all will be well.  This pic is during the superbowl, week 1 of her life:

What trust!

Yesterday my Mum watched Lulu for a couple hours while I did some things at work. And. I couldn't stand being away from her. Ran out of the office without my coat. Basically galloped home...to a person who didn't exist a year ago, and who split my life (and some body parts) down the middle when she arrived.  There are so many miracles involved in this:  her very beginning to exist, growing perfect skin and bones and hands and a nervous system, her climatic emergence into the world, my body's ability to sustain her now and to heal from her arrival... But maybe the most surprising miracle is the shattering love I feel toward her. Not that I didn't grow up expecting to be a Mum.  Or hoping for it.  But the depth of feeling makes me feel out of control.

--- Brief hiatus to take much needed shower...to my delight, I find her still sleeping!  (breathing?  check)  joy! what a luxurious morning. ---

Have I MENTIONED how cute she is?

I started Love Wins and am excited to write a review.  To add to the millions of reviews of a book that is 

1) not saying anything new and 

2) not saying anything stunningly well but 

3) oh well, everyone's reading it, so it's instigating conversations in the public sphere on hermeneutics, salvation (or should I say soteriology... what kindof blog is this anyways?) and other lovely dogmatic (in a good way) topics that I want to think about and might as well write about too.  

Peace and Grace to my readers, (Christine?)  :)  and to my baby when she gets her shots and to me while I hold her.