I went to the Midwife's this morning. Heard Little Bear's heartbeat "thump thump thump thump." So steady, so fast, so tiny sounding. You can see I've been making big progress. this pic was at 9 weeks, about 2 months ago:
And look at me now! 17 weeks and 2 days:
I scheduled the ultrasound for Sept 20th, so that will probably be the highlight of my life thus far. Samm is coming and we get to have a DVD of it if we bring a blank one to record on. This thrills me beyond belief.
I feel guilty knowing how many women want babies. I feel grateful knowing how many people have them and don't want them or can't really take care of them. I feel impatient to meet the little person swimming around in my torso. I also feel sad (this is bizarre) to think of not being pregnant. There is an intimacy to it that is charming, consoling, calming. Even sitting on the couch I feel productive because I'm producing a human. I'm constantly feeding and protecting this little one. I don't have to start the whole letting-go reality of parenthood until contractions start. And then it will begin: Releasing my baby into the world, into the care of my flawed and limited conscious. As opposed to my incredibly reliable and competent sub-conscious which is currently doing a GREAT job keeping track of nutrients, temperature, waste, comfort, affection, etc. It might be a good 25 years before parenting will be this easy again.
In the meanwhile, Priory Bakery on E Ohio St makes the most ridiculously moist and flaky orange scones. I made a tiny french press and tossed some whole cloves in with the coffee. Perfect combination. I love September.
1 comment:
i hope you get to find out the baby's sex! have you done a shabbat about creation yet? if you haven't you should make that the theme and then show your ultrasound dvd as the "art piece" part of the service.
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