I have lost interest in blogging for a while - among many other things - as a baby has begun to take over my mind and body. We are 2 and a half weeks from the "due date." Which means nothing because she'll come whenever she pleases.
My belly finally got stretch marks, recently. Abruptly too. It is like a beach ball, very round, very large. My back stopped hurting, but I go to a chiropractor every week. I suspect this is making my life wonderful. I feel quite happy and content except the times when I suddenly cannot contain buckets of tears. For example, the very prospect of heading to a different bed than Samm so he can get some sleep while I toss and turn and wander the halls at night made me just lose it. Cried and cried. So now we start out together, and then as the night unfolds I move to the futon for hours of tossing and bathroom trips and sneak back into our bed for my alarm in the morning. That way when he's half awake and so sweet and sleepy, he can wrap his arms around me and feel our little girl push her tiny feet against his arm while our cat sleeps at our tangled feet. It is one of the most delightful experiences of my life, I think.
We hired a doula. We had Indian food with her tonight. I am not sure whether I will entirely need her or not, but it seemed like a good idea as birth got closer. Plus, secretly, I just want to be one and see how it all works.
I am still working on :
--my birth mix. must have great music.
--packing my suitcase. need more candles! and probably some more practical stuff. peanut butter.
--choosing an outfit to put her in. Her first outfit.
--finishing my excel doc of things to do or buy or borrow before she is born. (Still need: manual pump, bottles, homemade fleece wipes).
--remembering all the things I've learned in all my reading about labor. (My body was made to do this, it knows how, I have to let go of the tension and fear and pain and embrace the miracle of birth... also it may hurt like nothing I've ever dreamed. etc.)
--savoring the last few hours/days/weeks? of pregnancy. Of the quiet, still moments to think and to be with Samm alone.
We know we are approaching a sort of waterfall, but the water feels so peaceful right now, so still.
